Happiness- 1. Feeling pleasure: feeling or showing pleasure, contentment, or joy.

                I’ve been feeling it so I guess it’s time to do the showing part.  As I explained in my last post, I’ve gone through a lot of changes in the past few months and still am, as the world is always changing around us.  The problem was that I wasn’t changing with it.  It took a lot of work and tears, but I’m finally to the point where I don’t live like I did before.  I have a way better outlook on life now, and it’s been such a relief to be out of the dark.

                How do you feel when you’re happy?  Do you jump up and down like a little kid?  Are you at a loss for words?  For me, it depends on what it is that’s making me happy (sounds weird, I know, but then again I’ve never been what they call “normal”).  Usually I get really energetic and I get this weird feeling in my stomach.  Some people call them butterflies, but when I’m happy it feels like the whole zoo is in there.  Also, I tend to ramble a lot about the most random things (why?  I have no clue).  But whatever you do/feel, it usually makes you feel REALLY good.

                How do you feel when you make someone happy?  This might even be better than the feeling of being happy yourself, because making someone else laugh is probably one of my favorite things (not like I’m funny or anything but I try).  It just gives you a really good feeling.  It’s hard to explain, but it’s so satisfying.  But with this kind of happiness, there is also a risk of you not being happy.  I know, life is complicated like that, but really this is when manipulation can happen.  You have to be careful.  You can get so caught up in someone else’s happiness that you may not see yourself slowly crumbling.  I know what it’s like, believe me. 

                Being a selfless person is something that isn’t easy.  You’re way more vulnerable to people when you’re not selfish, because lets be real, nobody likes selfish people.  I’ve met some of them and they’re not pleasant.  All you really want is someone to care about you, right?  Manipulation is a tricky thing, and some people are REALLY good at it.  So good that you might not even realize it at first.  Or if you’re one of the unfortunate ones, you might never realize it.   People can get tricked into so many things when they’re being manipulated.  This is why you have to be careful when choosing who you’re close with.  Making other people happy is a good feeling, but when you’re becoming depressed because of it, it’s not a good thing.

Here are 8 signs of emotional manipulation:

                Some people are SO good at it that they may not even realize they’re doing it.  They care about their own happiness, but not yours.  They know that they’re happy, but they don’t care about you.  And maybe you don’t care about you either.  You’re SO focused on making them happy that you don’t even notice your own feelings anymore.

                But the best kind of happiness is mutual.  Two people that are equally happy with each other.  And trust me, you will know when this happens because the feeling is so strong.  It’s worth waiting years for, and it’s also worth the problems that come with it.  How can there be problems with happiness?  The thing is, it’s not the happiness part that’s the problem.  It’s other people outside of that happiness that are the problem.  And I don’t know why the world is like this, but some people just can’t accept that you’re happy.  Maybe this won’t even happen to you, I don’t know.  But it’s happened to me many times and let me warn you that people WILL try to purposely ruin your happiness.

                It’s part of manipulation.  They make you think that they’re helping you, but really all they’re trying to do is ruin that happiness for you.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to ignore it.  In my opinion, why would you let someone ruin your happiness?  Even if you end up hurt later, at least you were happy for a while.  That’s the way I think of it anyway. 

                Happiness is the best feeling in the world.  Nothing is better than being happy and everyone should get a taste of it in one way or another.  Be patient.  Wait for the right thing, the right one, and you’ll feel better than you ever have before.  Sometimes you might have to fight for it, but it’s worth it.

Leave a comment and tell me what makes you happy!

XOXO,

-Megan

There are many reasons why I haven’t been posting as often as usual (my sincere apologies), but I really don’t care to explain them all so I’m just going to go through a few of the main ones. 

Door

By Megan Dennis

You can only do two things

Open and close

That is your job for eternity

Letting things in and then shutting them out

It’s kind of like the way humans work

We open our doors to let in visitors

And shut them out when we realize they were just unwanted guests

They brought cookies to share

While you sat and talked by the fireplace

Making small talk about the weather and things with no significance

Maybe they looked into your soul farther than you wanted them to

They panicked and ran away once they saw what was past the skin

You called after them, screaming their name until your mouth was dry

But by then they were already far out the door

That stupid door

The way you use a door symbolizes your emotions

Whether you walk quickly and slam it, making the pictures on the wall shift

Or if you walk slowly and linger for a moment in the doorway

You might look over your shoulder to have one last glance at what you’re leaving behind

It’s unfortunate that very few of those people will walk back through the door

But the few that do will lock it behind them

Anyway, so yes, that was my first finished piece since the end of March I believe.  I’m very proud of it considering I know very little about poetry and haven’t written very many poems but I’m actually starting to like it so maybe there will be more poetry on this blog in the future.

            This second part of the post is something I’m SO excited to tell you about.  I’ve been thinking about this post for days and I can’t wait to share this with you.  I’ve had a lot going on these past few months, some of which I explained at the beginning of this post, but also some personal things which I will not name specifically.  Most of them have to do with my ongoing battle of trying to get along with people (haha).  But all laughter aside, I have been facing issues such as the feelings of rejection, depression, and being taken advantage of.  I’ve always tried to be nice and friendly.  You know, the kind of person people like?  The problem was that I think there IS such a thing as being too nice.

            Everyone likes nice people.  It’s a natural human characteristic to be drawn to nice people.  Maybe that’s why I spent all those nights tossing and turning because I couldn’t escape this feeling that for some reason I was supposed to apologize.  And if you know me at all, you know that I also value my dignity.  Probably even more than I value my ability to be nice.  So anyway, I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was MEANT to apologize for something that I probably didn’t have to apologize for.  It’s difficult to explain.  But I kind of felt like it was one of those God things where he was sending me a message to tell me to apologize to this person who probably didn’t even want to see my name pop up on their screen like they did when I sent that message that I instantly regretted.  And once they responded, I regretted it even more.

            A long, personal story aside as to what happened after that, I felt even worse than I did when I apologized.  I mean, how could something that I felt was so right to do, feel so wrong now?  It was really messed up, let me tell you.  But yet again, I found myself being the nice one, and before I knew it, they used that to their biggest advantage.  And then one day they never replied to me again.  Deep down, I’m glad it’s over because it shattered all of the confidence I had in myself, and I found myself in a deep pain I had never experienced before.

            This pain was different, because instead of what I would normally feel after an incident like that, I felt this need for something.  I knew that it couldn’t stay the same.  Something needed to change.  Actually, everything needed to change.  I don’t know why exactly, but all I know is that it needed to change.  And I started with my hair.

I never knew a haircut could change not just your appearance, but your entire outlook on things.  I felt like a completely different person after that.  Like a load had been lifted off my shoulders.  But still, that haircut wasn’t enough.  I needed more change.  The changes I went through emotionally are hard to put into words and I’m sitting here now trying to find a way to explain it to you.  Change has always been so hard for me, but this time it was easy because I wanted it so badly.  I knew things could not stay the way they were and I couldn’t allow myself to stay how I was.  I’ll probably still allow people to waltz in and out, but maybe I’ll recognize it sooner rather than later and save myself from being somewhere I don’t want to be. 

            Here’s the thing.  If you’re under the impression that people dictate your feelings and emotions- you’re wrong.  They can if you let them, but not letting them control you will give you the upper hand and they won’t win the battle.  They want you to give in, they want you to feel the way THEY want you to feel.  Don’t let them grab you.  Don’t let them control you.  That’s the key to it, and it took me all these years to figure it out.  I still don’t have it all the way figured out, and I will never understand why human beings are so cruel, but we can change ourselves for US and not for other people.

Thank you for being patient with me during my absence, and I hope to get on a regular schedule again soon.  I’m hoping I can create way better content for you now that I’ve finally become the person I’ve always wanted to be.  And you can too if you stay strong and stay positive.  I love you!!

XOXO

-Megan