Megan Dennis: change

Experiencing A Global Pandemic: surviving the crisis + the impact on mental health

March 19, 2020

Experiencing A Global Pandemic: surviving the crisis + the impact on mental health

I never in a million years thought I would be experiencing something like this. When I was younger, my biggest fears were getting kidnapped, my house catching on fire, and missing my favorite TV show. Now, I’m currently living with the biggest fear I never knew I had: a global pandemic.

My brain is trying to comprehend everything. How this situation evolved to what it is currently. The first time I remember even hearing someone mention the word “coronavirus” was probably back in January, when the news first broke about the outbreak in China. To be honest, I was one who thought maybe it would just stay over there and be merely some “foreign disease.” I was wrong. It didn’t take long for this thing to find its way into our country’s borders. That was when I knew it wouldn’t be long before it came to my state. And it did. It continued to spread and become the crisis it is now.

I have never seen gas prices so low.

I have never seen so many of my favorite places close their doors.

I have never seen the shelves at the grocery store so empty.

I have never seen people fight over toilet paper.

I have never seen so many lives turned upside down.

But this is our new reality- for the next few weeks, months, and possibly years.

As a side note, being a business student, I am quite intrigued with how this pandemic will affect the economy in the years to come. But I am not here to talk about the economic impact of this situation. Maybe the next post will be about economics, but right now I want to talk about mental health. Mine and yours. For some of us, this is going to take a huge toll on our mental health over the next few weeks. I personally am not one who is easy going when it comes to change. Change is my worst enemy and I have been fighting it for the last several months as I adjust to the new lifestyle I have. Now I must fight it in the face of a global pandemic.

It feels as though everything is turned upside down. I cannot go to work, I cannot go to school, I cannot see my friends and the people I love the most. It’s hard to believe this is a new reality for all of us. What scares me the most is how long it is going to last. Already it’s been months, and the virus does not show signs of slowing down anytime soon. I hope and pray that is gone by the time summer comes around, but everything is so uncertain right now. That’s another thing that is making me anxious- the uncertainty of the situation. I feel very nervous and worried not knowing what might happen next. I keep telling myself that it cannot possibly get any worse, but we have been warned the worst is still yet to come.

However, despite these thoughts and fears, I am still holding onto a thread of hope. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, I want to share with you guys some of the things I have been doing while being self-quarantined.

1. Get up at your usual time

Sleeping in is actually not good for your body. Get enough rest, but try to get up early and start your day as you normally would

2. Get ready for the day

This was a big one for me. I have found that I feel better if I still get dressed and do my makeup and hair as I would if I was going out for the day.

3. Work on projects you didn’t have time to do before

Now that you have all the time in the world, pick up a new hobby or do a house project you’ve been wanting to do for a while. I’ve been using this time to work on my blog and YouTube channel (subscribe for quarantine vlogs.)

4. Get outside

As long as you social distance yourself from anyone you may encounter, getting outdoors will help unleash those stuffy feelings and allow you some fresh air.

5. Reflect

I’ve been taking this time to look back on the last several months and evaluate some things I need to work on as well as applaud myself for the good changes I’ve made. Use this time away from other people to work on and take good care of yourself.

I hope this was helpful to some of you who may be experiencing the same feelings I am. I hope that we will all be able to return to normalcy soon; but in the meantime, wash your hands, stay home, and stay healthy.

challenges

A College Life Update

October 28, 2019

I wish every week was fall break.

Unfortunately, it’s only this week, BUT I am so excited to sit down and talk to you guys. I realized that I’m halfway through my first semester of college (which is crazy) and I haven’t given you an update of how it’s going, so I thought I would do that today. Many people have been asking (and by many people I mean like 5) how I’m adjusting to this new lifestyle, so that’s what I’m going to be talking about in this post.

I had a rough start. I’m not going to candy coat any part of this because I want to be real. I sort of expected the change wouldn’t be easy, but those first few weeks I felt like I was being thrown into an unfamiliar ocean and had to figure out how to swim. Eventually I did figure it out, otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you this. Needless to say, I had a very difficult time getting started. I wasn’t prepared for how much time I would spend on homework and how hard it would be to just find some sort of a balance between school, work, and having a social life.

This semester I am taking 15 credit hours, which I feel is about the average course load. The way my school does classes, there are 8-week classes and 16-week classes. It’s honestly all very confusing, but to sum it up, 8-week classes are basically 16-week classes done in 8 weeks, which also means twice the amount of homework. I would say I spend about 8-10 hours on homework a week, depending on how much work there is/what the assignments are. It’s very difficult to tell exactly how much time I spend on it because my days are full of other things. On top of sitting in class for 15 hours a week, I’ve also been working 15 and a half hours each week.

It’s a lot. That’s why I’m so happy I can slow down and breathe this week.

I actually don’t mind staying busy. I’ve developed a pretty consistent routine, which is what I lacked in the beginning. I’m the type of person who must follow their routines, otherwise I don’t know what to do with myself. Routines are a huge part of my life. It took me about a month and a half to develop a solid routine to accommodate my new busy schedule. I made a video on my YouTube channel where I show you what it’s like to be me for a day. You can check that video out here.

I think one of the biggest things that’s kept me on track (besides lots of coffee) is staying healthy, mentally and physically. I use the tips I talked about in my last post almost daily and I’m way less stressed when I have my life planned and organized. I’ve been doing my best to become a morning person (still working on that part of my new routine) so I can get up, go to the gym, and then come back and get some tasks knocked out before I have to go to class or work. I’ve also been trying to stay on a healthy diet. This isn’t easy because I don’t have a lot of time to make good healthy meals. I try not to eat out more than necessary, and I try to meal prep on Sundays so I can just grab and go during the week. I think for me, staying healthy is super important to being successful.

On the upside of things, I am truly thriving. I don’t mean that I’m happy all the time every day, but in general I’m at a good place in life. In college I feel like I’m actually getting somewhere; I feel like I’m one step closer to where I want to be and sometimes that’s the only motivation factor that keeps me going. When times get rough, I have to stop and think about how far I’ve come already and stay focused on my goals and what I have to do to get there. Sometimes it’s difficult to stay focused, sometimes I question what it is that I’m really working towards, and sometimes I just want to quit. When that happens, I remind myself how far I’ve come and that I’m on the right path to where I want to be.

No one ever said college is easy. Because it’s not. It’s hard, it’s stressful, and it’s honestly. just. exhausting. But I know that I’m doing the right thing and I’m grateful that I am even able to go get further education. I value education more than almost anything because I know it’s what will get me to where I want to be in life.

Thank you guys so much for following along with me throughout this journey and I’ll talk to you in my next post!

accomplishments

seventeen

March 09, 2019

seventeen

Hi guys, welcome back to the blog!

So if you’re new here or didn’t read my birthday post from last year, I did a post for my 17^th birthday where I share some of the things I learned at 17. And I thought I would do the same this year for my 18^th birthday. Tomorrow, I enter a new year in my life. A new age, and this year is pretty special because it’s my 18^th birthday which basically means I can’t get any youth discounts and I have to do this thing they call “adulting.”

Before that happens, I wanted to share a few things I learned and things that happened to me while I was 17. I honestly didn’t feel any different than when I was 16; however, I feel like my brain aged by 50 years. I feel like I did the most growing up this year than I did the past 16 years before that. Regardless of age, though, I just want to jump right into this and tell you what all I learned when I was seventeen (and I’ll try not to ramble too much.)

Patience

I feel like the biggest thing I mastered maturity wise was patience. Now please understand that I am not a very patient person so when I say “mastered” I mean most of the time. My whole life, I’ve never been able to wait. When the latest and greatest toy came out, I wanted it that day. When there was anything I wanted, I wanted it right then and right now. I could not stand waiting. This goes for other opportunities for life as well. I have never been a patient person. This year, however, I feel as though I handled the impatientness much better. I’ve learned to trust God’s timing for things and understand that even though I may want something, now may not be the best time. Furthermore, when I’m patient, I’ve realized there may be better opportunities and better things to come if I’m patient enough to wait for them.

Be less bothered by the little things

This kind of goes along with the whole patience thing, but let me tell you about another one of my issues: I let small inconveniences get to me wayyy to easily. It was almost ridiculous. I would get mad after getting left on read (but who doesn’t?) or if I had to wait on someone. And the fact that I would get bothered by those things REALLY bothered me even more. It was so bad that I couldn’t even enjoy being around people or doing fun things because I was so upset over something so little. This is still an issue that I’m working to master, but I thought it was worth mentioning because maybe you have the same problem. One of the things I do when I start to get stressed or angry over something is to just take a minute and tell myself “this is only one moment in time. Don’t let something so small ruin your potential to have an amazing day.” And most of the time, the things I get angry about aren’t even worth the energy to be angry!

Starting a new and healthy lifestyle

This was big for me. Basically I wasn’t happy with my life and where I was before I turned 17. I decided to change that, and started taking steps to move towards a healthier and better life. Some of these steps included: developing good sleep habits, changing what I eat, staying productive throughout the day, exercise, and surrounding myself with positive influences. I think I’ve said this before, but if you want to change your life, you have to change your lifestyle. You cannot move towards a better version of your life if you don’t make any lifestyle changes. I believe the state of your mental health is dictated by your lifestyle. If you have a healthy lifestyle, you’ll have a healthy mindset. This has been true for me because as soon as I changed the way I was living before, everything became so much better.

Living day by day

“Do not worry about what tomorrow will bring” is a principle I have been living by this past year. I like to anticipate, I love dreaming up scenarios that will never come true. The problem was that I was focusing on that too much and not taking the time to live for the day and appreciating what I have now. Every day I wake up and I formulate a plan for the day: what are my priorities NOW? What is important to me NOW? How can I make TODAY a good and productive day? At the end of each day I write down one thing I’m grateful for that day. Sometimes its just small things like getting an A on a math test or eating a good meal. Whatever it is, it really helps to keep my attention on the present day and being content with what I have now.

Surrounding myself with positivity

Ever heard the phrase “you are what you eat”? When you think about it, it doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense. So if I eat lettuce does that mean I turn into a plant? Yeah probably not, but you get the idea. I believe the same principle applies with what you surround yourself with. For an example, I once knew someone who was sad and at a low almost every single day. Every time I talked to them, their negative energy would drain out all the positive energy I had stored up. Unfortunately, it took a few of those people to figure out what was happening. Ultimately, though, I think this is one of the key ingredients to the recipe of a happy life. You are what you eat, and you become what you surround yourself with.

All of these lessons, which have taken me years to learn, have brought me to the happy place I’m at now. Most of these things have taken place over the past year. Without any doubt, I can say I’m living my best life. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: if you want to change your life, you have to change your lifestyle. The fact is, no matter how many drugs you take or whatever it is that takes you away from your real world, those things are only temporary. If you really want to change your life forever, you have to make some huge lifestyle adjustments and that’s never easy, but I did it and so can you. Life is a rollercoaster sometimes, but you just have to hold on until you reach the end.

And that’s what I learned when I was seventeen.

change

Going Vegan for A Week

April 27, 2018

change

I'VE CHANGED (life update)

May 12, 2017

There are many reasons why I haven’t been posting as often as usual (my sincere apologies), but I really don’t care to explain them all so I’m just going to go through a few of the main ones.

1. School- As you may know, I am still a student and getting to the end of the school year was a little rough (I was practically crawling to the end) and I just really wanted to focus on that because education is VERY important. But since summer is approaching (yay!), I should have plenty of time to make great content for you.

2. Work- I can’t really say much about my job here due to privacy of myself and the company, but I’ve been having a lot of struggles with that as well which lead to stress and low self-esteem.

3. Lack of motivation- I really need to get better about motivating myself. It is one of my biggest weaknesses, and it’s so easy to say “I’ll do this later” or “I’ll write a blog post tomorrow” and then when that time rolls around, I push it back again. So I will definitely be trying to be more productive.

4. Criticism- I hardly ever get negative feedback. I have the most wonderful people who will always say positive things and encourage me, but due to a mistake that was partially my fault, I did get some very harsh criticism a few months ago and after that it became very difficult to write at all. I actually just read my first piece that I’ve written since then last week and I’m so happy to WANT to write again because writing has always been a passion of mine (I’m inserting the poem down below in case you want to read it).

Door

By Megan Dennis

You can only do two things

Open and close

That is your job for eternity

Letting things in and then shutting them out

It’s kind of like the way humans work

We open our doors to let in visitors

And shut them out when we realize they were just unwanted guests

They brought cookies to share

While you sat and talked by the fireplace

Making small talk about the weather and things with no significance

Maybe they looked into your soul farther than you wanted them to

They panicked and ran away once they saw what was past the skin

You called after them, screaming their name until your mouth was dry

But by then they were already far out the door

That stupid door

The way you use a door symbolizes your emotions

Whether you walk quickly and slam it, making the pictures on the wall shift

Or if you walk slowly and linger for a moment in the doorway

You might look over your shoulder to have one last glance at what you’re leaving behind

It’s unfortunate that very few of those people will walk back through the door

But the few that do will lock it behind them

Anyway, so yes, that was my first finished piece since the end of March I believe. I’m very proud of it considering I know very little about poetry and haven’t written very many poems but I’m actually starting to like it so maybe there will be more poetry on this blog in the future.

This second part of the post is something I’m SO excited to tell you about. I’ve been thinking about this post for days and I can’t wait to share this with you. I’ve had a lot going on these past few months, some of which I explained at the beginning of this post, but also some personal things which I will not name specifically. Most of them have to do with my ongoing battle of trying to get along with people (haha). But all laughter aside, I have been facing issues such as the feelings of rejection, depression, and being taken advantage of. I’ve always tried to be nice and friendly. You know, the kind of person people like? The problem was that I think there IS such a thing as being too nice.

Everyone likes nice people. It’s a natural human characteristic to be drawn to nice people. Maybe that’s why I spent all those nights tossing and turning because I couldn’t escape this feeling that for some reason I was supposed to apologize. And if you know me at all, you know that I also value my dignity. Probably even more than I value my ability to be nice. So anyway, I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was MEANT to apologize for something that I probably didn’t have to apologize for. It’s difficult to explain. But I kind of felt like it was one of those God things where he was sending me a message to tell me to apologize to this person who probably didn’t even want to see my name pop up on their screen like they did when I sent that message that I instantly regretted. And once they responded, I regretted it even more.

A long, personal story aside as to what happened after that, I felt even worse than I did when I apologized. I mean, how could something that I felt was so right to do, feel so wrong now? It was really messed up, let me tell you. But yet again, I found myself being the nice one, and before I knew it, they used that to their biggest advantage. And then one day they never replied to me again. Deep down, I’m glad it’s over because it shattered all of the confidence I had in myself, and I found myself in a deep pain I had never experienced before.

This pain was different, because instead of what I would normally feel after an incident like that, I felt this need for something. I knew that it couldn’t stay the same. Something needed to change. Actually, everything needed to change. I don’t know why exactly, but all I know is that it needed to change. And I started with my hair.

Before

And after

I never knew a haircut could change not just your appearance, but your entire outlook on things. I felt like a completely different person after that. Like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. But still, that haircut wasn’t enough. I needed more change. The changes I went through emotionally are hard to put into words and I’m sitting here now trying to find a way to explain it to you. Change has always been so hard for me, but this time it was easy because I wanted it so badly. I knew things could not stay the way they were and I couldn’t allow myself to stay how I was. I’ll probably still allow people to waltz in and out, but maybe I’ll recognize it sooner rather than later and save myself from being somewhere I don’t want to be.

Here’s the thing. If you’re under the impression that people dictate your feelings and emotions- you’re wrong. They can if you let them, but not letting them control you will give you the upper hand and they won’t win the battle. They want you to give in, they want you to feel the way THEY want you to feel. Don’t let them grab you. Don’t let them control you. That’s the key to it, and it took me all these years to figure it out. I still don’t have it all the way figured out, and I will never understand why human beings are so cruel, but we can change ourselves for US and not for other people.

Thank you for being patient with me during my absence, and I hope to get on a regular schedule again soon. I’m hoping I can create way better content for you now that I’ve finally become the person I’ve always wanted to be. And you can too if you stay strong and stay positive. I love you!!

XOXO

-Megan

change

Change

January 09, 2017

Since it’s the beginning of a new year, I felt it fitting to talk about change. Some people welcome change into their lives, while others find it hard to accept it (such as myself). If you’ve been wearing your hair the same way for four years, why would you want to change that if it’s what you like and what you’re used to? Probably because you don’t realize how much a change is needed. It never hurts to branch out and try something new every once and awhile.

Change has never been easy for me, but I can certainly say it’s taught me a lot in my life. Fortunately, God decides when it’s time for a change, because otherwise I wouldn’t be where I am today. I love my routines and habits so much, that I don’t even realize how bad they may be. Or maybe they’re not necessarily bad, it’s just time to grow out of them and try something different.

And not all changes will be good. Sometimes it’s hard to understand why things happen the way they do, but you just have to remember that there is a reason for it, even if the reason isn’t clear in the beginning. Maybe moving to another state and to a different school isn’t what you desired, but maybe it was time to experience new things and meet new people.

Nothing here on earth is permanent. I hate to break it to you, but nothing lasts forever. Things are always going to be constantly changing. People are going to come and go from your life, because people and their feelings are constantly changing as well. Someone you love today may not be the person you’ll love in five years. Your teacher may decide teaching just isn’t her thing anymore, and she wants to try a different occupation.

So you see, you can’t hold onto things forever. You can squeeze it in your hands as tight as you can, but it will eventually slip away. And there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You just have to accept that it wasn’t meant for you anymore and you’ll come across something better. That is the pattern of life. If there wasn’t change and everything stayed the same, no one would ever learn anything. We wouldn’t be wise. We would just keep making the same mistakes over and over again because we wouldn’t know any different.

Change is hard. But no one said life was going to be easy. The things we experience daily can change our lives for better or for worse, but with every change comes a reason and a lesson for it that will, in the end, make you a wiser person if you choose to learn from it.

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Experiencing A Global Pandemic: surviving the crisis + the impact on mental health

A College Life Update

seventeen

Going Vegan for A Week

I'VE CHANGED (life update)

Change

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