I wish every week was fall break.

Unfortunately, it’s only this week, BUT I am so excited to sit down and talk to you guys.  I realized that I’m halfway through my first semester of college (which is crazy) and I haven’t given you an update of how it’s going, so I thought I would do that today.  Many people have been asking (and by many people I mean like 5) how I’m adjusting to this new lifestyle, so that’s what I’m going to be talking about in this post.

            I had a rough start.  I’m not going to candy coat any part of this because I want to be real.  I sort of expected the change wouldn’t be easy, but those first few weeks I felt like I was being thrown into an unfamiliar ocean and had to figure out how to swim.  Eventually I did figure it out, otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you this.  Needless to say, I had a very difficult time getting started.  I wasn’t prepared for how much time I would spend on homework and how hard it would be to just find some sort of a balance between school, work, and having a social life.

            This semester I am taking 15 credit hours, which I feel is about the average course load.  The way my school does classes, there are 8-week classes and 16-week classes.  It’s honestly all very confusing, but to sum it up, 8-week classes are basically 16-week classes done in 8 weeks, which also means twice the amount of homework.  I would say I spend about 8-10 hours on homework a week, depending on how much work there is/what the assignments are.  It’s very difficult to tell exactly how much time I spend on it because my days are full of other things.  On top of sitting in class for 15 hours a week, I’ve also been working 15 and a half hours each week. 

It’s a lot.  That’s why I’m so happy I can slow down and breathe this week.

            I actually don’t mind staying busy.  I’ve developed a pretty consistent routine, which is what I lacked in the beginning.  I’m the type of person who must follow their routines, otherwise I don’t know what to do with myself.  Routines are a huge part of my life.  It took me about a month and a half to develop a solid routine to accommodate my new busy schedule.  I made a video on my YouTube channel where I show you what it’s like to be me for a day.  You can check that video out here.

            I think one of the biggest things that’s kept me on track (besides lots of coffee) is staying healthy, mentally and physically.  I use the tips I talked about in my last post almost daily and I’m way less stressed when I have my life planned and organized.  I’ve been doing my best to become a morning person (still working on that part of my new routine) so I can get up, go to the gym, and then come back and get some tasks knocked out before I have to go to class or work.  I’ve also been trying to stay on a healthy diet.  This isn’t easy because I don’t have a lot of time to make good healthy meals.  I try not to eat out more than necessary, and I try to meal prep on Sundays so I can just grab and go during the week.  I think for me, staying healthy is super important to being successful.

            On the upside of things, I am truly thriving.  I don’t mean that I’m happy all the time every day, but in general I’m at a good place in life.  In college I feel like I’m actually getting somewhere; I feel like I’m one step closer to where I want to be and sometimes that’s the only motivation factor that keeps me going.  When times get rough, I have to stop and think about how far I’ve come already and stay focused on my goals and what I have to do to get there.  Sometimes it’s difficult to stay focused, sometimes I question what it is that I’m really working towards, and sometimes I just want to quit.  When that happens, I remind myself how far I’ve come and that I’m on the right path to where I want to be.

            No one ever said college is easy.  Because it’s not.  It’s hard, it’s stressful, and it’s honestly. just. exhausting.  But I know that I’m doing the right thing and I’m grateful that I am even able to go get further education.  I value education more than almost anything because I know it’s what will get me to where I want to be in life. 

            Thank you guys so much for following along with me throughout this journey and I’ll talk to you in my next post!

Welcome back!

            Today I will be wrapping up my story on my high school experience.  In case you’re new, I’ll drop the links for the previous parts here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

            Out of all the parts I’ve done, I think I’m most excited for this one.  I wanted to spend this last part talking about the future.  As you probably know, I’m a daydreamer and I love to dream about unrealistic scenarios most of the time.  However, I’m going to try to be a little more down to earth and not get too out of hand here.  I think it’s important to separate dreams from goals.  I believe goals are things you set in your mind to do and you continue to work towards them.  On the other hand, dreams are merely just things you wish for but for the most part are unrealistic.

            So now that we’ve differentiated the two, I’m going to start with the realistic stuff.  If you don’t know already, I plan to attend community college for two years and get my associates in business administration and from there hopefully I will transfer to a state university to get my master’s degree.  I feel that education is one of the most valuable assets you can have in life; so when I was thinking about what I wanted my future life after high school to look like I knew I wanted to put my education before anything else.

            Aside from going to college full time, I plan to keep working throughout the school year as well as continue my online profiles (blogging, YouTube.)  I have no idea what my schedule will be like come the school year, but I plan to post regularly as much as I can.  I’ve learned throughout these years that there’s no point in having a set schedule because I feel like it’s important to only put out work that you’re proud of and I just can’t be proud of something I was under time pressure.  So I’ve thrown the idea of schedules out the window and I’ll post when I make something that I’m proud of; whether that be once a week or once a month.

            Many people have asked me about my relationship status or when I’ll have a boyfriend, get married, etc.  I just tell them all that will happen in God’s timing, not mine.  Society has changed over the years and relationships seem to move so quickly these days.   People are getting married and having a family before 25 (which isn’t a bad thing don’t get me wrong), whereas I want more time to live and enjoy being young without those commitments.  So that’s where I’m at right now and I’m also in the midst of working through a lot of personal issues with myself that I have to fix before I can even allow myself to think about dating.

            I’m thankful for all the friendships I’ve formed throughout high school, with both girls and boys.  I’m fortunate to have girl friends that I know will always have my back and I theirs.  Girls that I’m able to talk about things I would never talk about with anyone else.  I’m also thankful for the friendships I’ve formed with males.  I have guy friends that are almost like brothers to me, who show me how real men are supposed to treat girls (my only confidence that the entire male population is not totally screwed.)  It’s been a blessing to get to know so many amazing people over the years and I’m excited to meet many more throughout my college years.

              People always laugh when they ask what I want my future life to look like and I answer with “well honestly I just want to do what I love, have a healthy God-honoring relationship and raise a family.  Oh and can’t forget the house with a picket fence.”  It’s the classic American dream.  Not anything fancy; I have no desire to be a millionaire or have expensive clothes and expensive cars.  I really just want a low-key life.  That’s all.  I dream about it every single day.  For right now, though, I’m content with the life I have now.  I’m enjoying my time being young for as long as I possibly can before I’m supposed to grow up and have everything together.

            As I wrap up this chapter of my life, my heart is filled with gratitude.  I’m thankful for all the memories I’ve made, people I’ve met, and experiences I’ve been able to have in high school.  Some of them are happy, fond memories; others not so much, but there’s not much I would change about any of it.  In other words, I can confidently close this portion of my life.  I’m filled with hope for my future and all the new experience I’ll be able to share with you.  I’ve never been more inspired to create and share the memories of my life and I’m forever thankful for every single person I’ve been able to reach through my writings and videos.  Thank you for everything.

Eating Vegan for a Week

            “You’re crazy right?” yeah, that’s exactly what I said to myself too.  There’s all kinds of crazy rumors about vegans.  A lot of people ask “so what do vegans eat?” and don’t actually know what vegan means.  So if you’re one of those people, here’s something that will make things a lot more clear for you”

Vegan- no animal products (dairy, meat, eggs, etc.)

At first it seems really scary, but when you think about all the things you CAN eat, it gets better I promise.  In fact, there are probably things you eat every day that are vegan and you don’t even realize it.  It’s not always necessary to change your whole diet (unless of course it’s for a health related reason).  It’s easier to start out with the foods you’re already used too, instead of suddenly changing everything.

So now I’m going to tell you about my experience.  I would like to say, however, that if you’re seriously considering becoming a vegan to give it a lot more time than just one week, which is what I chose to do.  Lifestyle choices like this take a while to take effect.

Monday

From my journal:

[eating vegan] was a lot easier than I expected it to be.  I barely even felt tempted to eat anything else.  I think the most important thing is to have the right mindset (saying “I CAN do this” instead of “this is way too hard”).  I ate dinner at Olive Garden and it was extremely difficult to order something that wasn’t vegan, but overall it was a good start to the week

So obviously the first day wasn’t too hard, aside from the Olive Garden part.  Olive Garden is one of my FAVORITE restaurants ever, so getting something vegan was a little hard for me (but I still enjoyed it anyway).  Also, I have a short story about the whole Olive Garden experience.  So I wasn’t sure if I could have the breadsticks they serve, so I asked the waitress about it and she told me the breadsticks were not vegan, and did in fact, have egg in them.  So I went home, disappointed, but later as I was looking on a website that tells you about the food at Olive Garden (for vegans, vegetarians, and people with allergies), it said that they were indeed vegan after all.  So if anyone who works at Olive Garden is reading this, you owe this girl some breadsticks.

What I ate:

Breakfast- apples and cinnamon oatmeal

Lunch- chickpea salad (like chicken salad except made with chickpeas and vegan mayo. Tastes DELICIOUS), Trisquit crackers, and mango

Dinner- pasta with marinara sauce and salad

Snacks- waffle fries from Chick-fil-A

Tuesday

From my journal:

Still going strong!  Today was a little harder than yesterday, just because I felt “restrained from eating other foods.  I felt really tired in the morning, but I’m not sure if it was from my new diet or from something else.  But other than that, day 2 was a success!

            So yes, the motivation and perseverance from day 1 had worn off by day 2, but still pretty good by my standards. I read that it’s important to make sure you’re getting the correct amount of protein and vitamins that are in things like meat and dairy, so that’s one thing to remember if you’re considering going vegan.  I wasn’t trying too hard, since it was only for a week, but if you’re going to be eating vegan for a long time, make sure you’re eating the proper amounts of protein and vitamins.

What I ate:

Breakfast- peanut butter whole wheat toast

Lunch- chickpea salad and harvest grains (a mix of quinoa, orzo pasta, and corn from Trader Joe’s.  THE BEST)

Dinner- leftovers from Olive Garden, salad, and garlic toast

Snacks- orange, mug cake, cereal

Wednesday

From my journal:

It got a lot harder to stay focused and not eat things that I can’t have.  I think it’s mostly out of laziness because it takes a lot longer to prepare vegan and healthier food.  But on the positive side, I am getting more used to it.  I definitely don’t miss eating meat.  I’ve noticed I feel really good after I eat too.  I don’t feel bloated or sick after I eat which is really nice.

            That was when I started to notice the effect of what I was and wasn’t eating.  I really don’t like meat that much, so that was why I said it was one of the easier parts.  Also, I wasn’t feeling sick or bloated after I eat too, which is something I normally feel after I eat a big meal.

What I ate:

Breakfast- apples and cinnamon oatmeal

Lunch- baked potato and brown rice

Dinner- Mexican chopped salad wrap and tortilla chips

Snacks- apple, Trisquit crackers

Thursday

From my journal:

I expected to give up by now and eat something I can’t have, but that still has yet to happen.  Today I felt a little more “full” from my meals than I have the last few days.  The problem is that these foods still fill you up, but not for as long so you’re hungry more often.  Today was definitely easier and I’m still not missing anything.

            So yes, by this day I’ve gotten in the rhythm and routine of this, still not missing anything.  Also another thing is that like I mentioned, you still feel full and fulfilled from these meals, but just not for as long.

What I ate:

Breakfast- cereal

Lunch- Mexican chopped salad wrap and tortilla chips

Dinner- pineapple stir fry, peas, and a corn muffin

Snacks- crackers and hummus, mug cake

Friday

From my journal:

Still going strong as a vegan!  I really thought I wouldn’t last this long, but I’m actually starting to like it.  I feel less conscious of what I’m eating now, like it’s become a routine.  I haven’t been missing the way I used to eat either, and I’m considering sticking with this if it is successful.  Now all I have to do is make it through the weekend!

Okay so by this point I’m starting to get used to it….and surprisingly liking it!  I didn’t have to think as much about what I was eating, and nope, still not missing anything.

What I ate:

Breakfast- cereal

Lunch- pasta and fruit

Dinner- enchiladas, white corn, and corn muffin

Snacks- ritz crackers, trisquits and hummus

Saturday

From my journal:

            Today was probably one of the harder days because I went to work and all the food there was so tempting.  Then I went to Cracker Barrel for dinner and they had hardly anything that I could eat.  I still feel pretty good though (besides hungry all the time).

            So like I said, I went to work where I was pretty much surrounded with things I couldn’t eat.  Resisting the temptation was so hard, but I only had one more day left so I couldn’t mess up at the end right?  And let me just say, restaurants really need to get on it and have more vegan options.

What I ate:

Breakfast- apples and cinnamon oatmeal

Lunch- black bean/hummus veggie wrap, apple, and pita crackers

Dinner- salad, fresh fruit, and fries

Snacks- toast with jelly

Sunday

From my journal:

            Today was the last day!  I’m so happy but also kind of sad at the same time.  I’m really glad I did this experiment because I felt so good about what I was eating.  One thing I did crave today was dessert….not surprising, really.  Anything with sugar was on my mind today.  I also didn’t feel as full after lunch, which is one of the biggest things I’ve noticed this week.  But I did it!

            It’s such a good feeling to prove yourself wrong.  I never thought that I would last the entire week, but I did!  Like I said, I craved a lot of sugar today but I craved that even when I wasn’t a vegan.  But I had a lot of motivation to stay focused obviously, since it was the last day.  But I did it!

What I ate:

Breakfast- cereal and toast

Lunch- salad, pita chips, and hummus

Dinner- Samosa patties,

            So that was it!  As I said, I’m so glad I did this because you really do feel better about what you’re eating.  I would totally encourage doing this if you’re considering being vegan or vegetarian.  Just try it out and see how it goes.  Also, if you’re already vegan or vegetarian, send me some of your favorite recipes! 

ONE YEAR OF BLOGGING

Today is a very exciting day.  Why is it a very exciting day?  Well because today marks exactly one year since I published my first post on my blog! I’ve come a long way in just a year, and I’m honestly so proud of myself for accomplishing so much in just 365 days.

Background:

You might not know this, but before my blog, I used this website for the music I used to write and record.  Looking back now it was honestly pretty embarrassing, but it’s what got me started.  After not recording any more music or posting on my website, I started tossing around the idea of turning it into a blog.  I already knew I loved to write, and people liked what I wrote so I thought what if I had a place to share it with everyone?  I wanted to reach people beyond just my family and friends, people who may be going through things and needed someone to relate to.  That’s what I wanted to do with my blog.

How the blog got its name:

Next you might be wondering how I came up with the name “Beauty in This Brokenness”.  This was a concept I had been thinking about for a long time before I even thought about starting a blog.  The idea I had was originally for an album I started to write a long time ago (which obviously never came to be), and it was about seeing light in times of darkness.  That was what I wanted my blog to be based on.  To share my stories and maybe inspire some people along the way.

What is this blog about?:

I don’t classify my blog under any certain “niche” (as people in the blogging groups on Facebook say).  What I mean by that is some people write blogs about lifestyle, some are about travel, some are about addiction recovery.  There are endless possibilities of what a blog can be about.  Usually when you go to a blog, you can find out what a blog is about by looking at either the title or the tagline.  But for me, I didn’t want to limit myself to one topic.  I didn’t want to feel like I couldn’t write about food because my blog was about photography.  That’s why my tagline is “just me talking about……well basically everything”.  If you do come here looking for something specific, that’s why I created the “tags” section on the bottom right hand side of the screen.  If you click on one of the words, it will show you all the posts related to that topic.

Challenges:

There are plenty of challenges that come with blogging.  Just like with anything you do in life, people are going to criticize you.  One of the best things about my first year of blogging is that I haven’t received a lot of negative criticism.  Most people are very supportive and I’ve gotten good feedback from other bloggers as well.  There have been times when others don’t always agree with what I have to say (I mean, the only reason why my abortion post is one of the most popular posts is because I used it in a debate on Facebook), but these days you can’t say anything without making someone angry.  That’s why I’ve learned not to take the negative responses I get too seriously because there is always going to be someone that doesn’t like you or doesn’t agree with you and I’m perfectly okay with that.  But I’m not going to change myself to please others.

Being your own boss is hard.  There’s no one to tell you what to do or when to post, so it can be easy to slack off.  That’s probably been the biggest challenge I've faced over the past year.  I tend to lack skills in the motivation department because I get distracted or lazy too easily.  When I first started my blog, my “schedule” was to post something on my blog twice a week.  For someone that still has school and other tasks, it proved to be very difficult to keep up with.  After I struggled with posting for a few months, I decided I don’t need a schedule.  When I feel inspired to write and post something, I do it; whenever that may be.  I’ve learned that it motivates me so much more than trying to stick to a schedule.  Lately I’ve been trying to post twice a month, but sometimes it doesn’t always work out.   If you follow me on social media (@beautyinthisbrokenness), I always let you know when I posted something new.  Or you can sign up for email updates on the right hand side of the screen.

What’s to come:

I have so many things I want to do with my blog.  I’m always trying to create good content and reach more and more people.  I now have over 100 views on two of my posts and over 2,600 views over the whole year.  That’s crazy to me.  When I started out, there were only about 15-20 people reading my posts and now there’s anywhere from 60-100.  Those are big numbers to me.  I remember when I got excited because 12 people listened to my song on Soundcloud three years ago.  My goal is to get those numbers even higher for next year.  But of course numbers mean little to me because the only reason it’s possible to reach those numbers is because of you.  I wouldn’t even be sitting here writing this if it weren’t for you.

Another goal I have is to self-host my own website.  For all of you that aren’t geeks like I am, what I mean is that I want the url to say “beautyinthisbrokenness.com”, instead of “blogspot.com” at the end.  Blogger has been so awesome because it’s free and simple to use.  Being a student with little funds, it will definitely be awhile, but one day I hope to create my own site.  I also want to collaborate with other bloggers and have guest posts.  I think it would be a lot of fun, but I still need to work my way up a little more before I can do that.  Those are just a few of the things I would love to see happen in the future (hopefully not that far off).

Lastly, I just want to take a minute to thank each and every person who has even clicked on the link to my blog.  I am so thankful for all the support I have received, and like I said before none of this would even be possible without you.  Thank you for an amazing first year of blogging and I can’t wait to see what this new year brings.