Megan Dennis: changes

Experiencing A Global Pandemic: surviving the crisis + the impact on mental health

March 19, 2020

Experiencing A Global Pandemic: surviving the crisis + the impact on mental health

I never in a million years thought I would be experiencing something like this. When I was younger, my biggest fears were getting kidnapped, my house catching on fire, and missing my favorite TV show. Now, I’m currently living with the biggest fear I never knew I had: a global pandemic.

My brain is trying to comprehend everything. How this situation evolved to what it is currently. The first time I remember even hearing someone mention the word “coronavirus” was probably back in January, when the news first broke about the outbreak in China. To be honest, I was one who thought maybe it would just stay over there and be merely some “foreign disease.” I was wrong. It didn’t take long for this thing to find its way into our country’s borders. That was when I knew it wouldn’t be long before it came to my state. And it did. It continued to spread and become the crisis it is now.

I have never seen gas prices so low.

I have never seen so many of my favorite places close their doors.

I have never seen the shelves at the grocery store so empty.

I have never seen people fight over toilet paper.

I have never seen so many lives turned upside down.

But this is our new reality- for the next few weeks, months, and possibly years.

As a side note, being a business student, I am quite intrigued with how this pandemic will affect the economy in the years to come. But I am not here to talk about the economic impact of this situation. Maybe the next post will be about economics, but right now I want to talk about mental health. Mine and yours. For some of us, this is going to take a huge toll on our mental health over the next few weeks. I personally am not one who is easy going when it comes to change. Change is my worst enemy and I have been fighting it for the last several months as I adjust to the new lifestyle I have. Now I must fight it in the face of a global pandemic.

It feels as though everything is turned upside down. I cannot go to work, I cannot go to school, I cannot see my friends and the people I love the most. It’s hard to believe this is a new reality for all of us. What scares me the most is how long it is going to last. Already it’s been months, and the virus does not show signs of slowing down anytime soon. I hope and pray that is gone by the time summer comes around, but everything is so uncertain right now. That’s another thing that is making me anxious- the uncertainty of the situation. I feel very nervous and worried not knowing what might happen next. I keep telling myself that it cannot possibly get any worse, but we have been warned the worst is still yet to come.

However, despite these thoughts and fears, I am still holding onto a thread of hope. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, I want to share with you guys some of the things I have been doing while being self-quarantined.

1. Get up at your usual time

Sleeping in is actually not good for your body. Get enough rest, but try to get up early and start your day as you normally would

2. Get ready for the day

This was a big one for me. I have found that I feel better if I still get dressed and do my makeup and hair as I would if I was going out for the day.

3. Work on projects you didn’t have time to do before

Now that you have all the time in the world, pick up a new hobby or do a house project you’ve been wanting to do for a while. I’ve been using this time to work on my blog and YouTube channel (subscribe for quarantine vlogs.)

4. Get outside

As long as you social distance yourself from anyone you may encounter, getting outdoors will help unleash those stuffy feelings and allow you some fresh air.

5. Reflect

I’ve been taking this time to look back on the last several months and evaluate some things I need to work on as well as applaud myself for the good changes I’ve made. Use this time away from other people to work on and take good care of yourself.

I hope this was helpful to some of you who may be experiencing the same feelings I am. I hope that we will all be able to return to normalcy soon; but in the meantime, wash your hands, stay home, and stay healthy.

challenges

A College Life Update

October 28, 2019

I wish every week was fall break.

Unfortunately, it’s only this week, BUT I am so excited to sit down and talk to you guys. I realized that I’m halfway through my first semester of college (which is crazy) and I haven’t given you an update of how it’s going, so I thought I would do that today. Many people have been asking (and by many people I mean like 5) how I’m adjusting to this new lifestyle, so that’s what I’m going to be talking about in this post.

I had a rough start. I’m not going to candy coat any part of this because I want to be real. I sort of expected the change wouldn’t be easy, but those first few weeks I felt like I was being thrown into an unfamiliar ocean and had to figure out how to swim. Eventually I did figure it out, otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you this. Needless to say, I had a very difficult time getting started. I wasn’t prepared for how much time I would spend on homework and how hard it would be to just find some sort of a balance between school, work, and having a social life.

This semester I am taking 15 credit hours, which I feel is about the average course load. The way my school does classes, there are 8-week classes and 16-week classes. It’s honestly all very confusing, but to sum it up, 8-week classes are basically 16-week classes done in 8 weeks, which also means twice the amount of homework. I would say I spend about 8-10 hours on homework a week, depending on how much work there is/what the assignments are. It’s very difficult to tell exactly how much time I spend on it because my days are full of other things. On top of sitting in class for 15 hours a week, I’ve also been working 15 and a half hours each week.

It’s a lot. That’s why I’m so happy I can slow down and breathe this week.

I actually don’t mind staying busy. I’ve developed a pretty consistent routine, which is what I lacked in the beginning. I’m the type of person who must follow their routines, otherwise I don’t know what to do with myself. Routines are a huge part of my life. It took me about a month and a half to develop a solid routine to accommodate my new busy schedule. I made a video on my YouTube channel where I show you what it’s like to be me for a day. You can check that video out here.

I think one of the biggest things that’s kept me on track (besides lots of coffee) is staying healthy, mentally and physically. I use the tips I talked about in my last post almost daily and I’m way less stressed when I have my life planned and organized. I’ve been doing my best to become a morning person (still working on that part of my new routine) so I can get up, go to the gym, and then come back and get some tasks knocked out before I have to go to class or work. I’ve also been trying to stay on a healthy diet. This isn’t easy because I don’t have a lot of time to make good healthy meals. I try not to eat out more than necessary, and I try to meal prep on Sundays so I can just grab and go during the week. I think for me, staying healthy is super important to being successful.

On the upside of things, I am truly thriving. I don’t mean that I’m happy all the time every day, but in general I’m at a good place in life. In college I feel like I’m actually getting somewhere; I feel like I’m one step closer to where I want to be and sometimes that’s the only motivation factor that keeps me going. When times get rough, I have to stop and think about how far I’ve come already and stay focused on my goals and what I have to do to get there. Sometimes it’s difficult to stay focused, sometimes I question what it is that I’m really working towards, and sometimes I just want to quit. When that happens, I remind myself how far I’ve come and that I’m on the right path to where I want to be.

No one ever said college is easy. Because it’s not. It’s hard, it’s stressful, and it’s honestly. just. exhausting. But I know that I’m doing the right thing and I’m grateful that I am even able to go get further education. I value education more than almost anything because I know it’s what will get me to where I want to be in life.

Thank you guys so much for following along with me throughout this journey and I’ll talk to you in my next post!

#HowISurvivedHighSchool

#HowISurvivedHighSchool Part 6: A Promising Future

June 19, 2019

Welcome back!

Today I will be wrapping up my story on my high school experience. In case you’re new, I’ll drop the links for the previous parts here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Out of all the parts I’ve done, I think I’m most excited for this one. I wanted to spend this last part talking about the future. As you probably know, I’m a daydreamer and I love to dream about unrealistic scenarios most of the time. However, I’m going to try to be a little more down to earth and not get too out of hand here. I think it’s important to separate dreams from goals. I believe goals are things you set in your mind to do and you continue to work towards them. On the other hand, dreams are merely just things you wish for but for the most part are unrealistic.

So now that we’ve differentiated the two, I’m going to start with the realistic stuff. If you don’t know already, I plan to attend community college for two years and get my associates in business administration and from there hopefully I will transfer to a state university to get my master’s degree. I feel that education is one of the most valuable assets you can have in life; so when I was thinking about what I wanted my future life after high school to look like I knew I wanted to put my education before anything else.

Aside from going to college full time, I plan to keep working throughout the school year as well as continue my online profiles (blogging, YouTube.) I have no idea what my schedule will be like come the school year, but I plan to post regularly as much as I can. I’ve learned throughout these years that there’s no point in having a set schedule because I feel like it’s important to only put out work that you’re proud of and I just can’t be proud of something I was under time pressure. So I’ve thrown the idea of schedules out the window and I’ll post when I make something that I’m proud of; whether that be once a week or once a month.

Many people have asked me about my relationship status or when I’ll have a boyfriend, get married, etc. I just tell them all that will happen in God’s timing, not mine. Society has changed over the years and relationships seem to move so quickly these days. People are getting married and having a family before 25 (which isn’t a bad thing don’t get me wrong), whereas I want more time to live and enjoy being young without those commitments. So that’s where I’m at right now and I’m also in the midst of working through a lot of personal issues with myself that I have to fix before I can even allow myself to think about dating.

I’m thankful for all the friendships I’ve formed throughout high school, with both girls and boys. I’m fortunate to have girl friends that I know will always have my back and I theirs. Girls that I’m able to talk about things I would never talk about with anyone else. I’m also thankful for the friendships I’ve formed with males. I have guy friends that are almost like brothers to me, who show me how real men are supposed to treat girls (my only confidence that the entire male population is not totally screwed.) It’s been a blessing to get to know so many amazing people over the years and I’m excited to meet many more throughout my college years.

People always laugh when they ask what I want my future life to look like and I answer with “well honestly I just want to do what I love, have a healthy God-honoring relationship and raise a family. Oh and can’t forget the house with a picket fence.” It’s the classic American dream. Not anything fancy; I have no desire to be a millionaire or have expensive clothes and expensive cars. I really just want a low-key life. That’s all. I dream about it every single day. For right now, though, I’m content with the life I have now. I’m enjoying my time being young for as long as I possibly can before I’m supposed to grow up and have everything together.

As I wrap up this chapter of my life, my heart is filled with gratitude. I’m thankful for all the memories I’ve made, people I’ve met, and experiences I’ve been able to have in high school. Some of them are happy, fond memories; others not so much, but there’s not much I would change about any of it. In other words, I can confidently close this portion of my life. I’m filled with hope for my future and all the new experience I’ll be able to share with you. I’ve never been more inspired to create and share the memories of my life and I’m forever thankful for every single person I’ve been able to reach through my writings and videos. Thank you for everything.

#HowISurvivedHighSchool

#HowISurvivedHighSchool Part 3: The Truth About Friends and Friendships

May 29, 2019

Hi there, welcome back to the blog!

Today I’m back with another part of #HowISurvivedHighSchool. I’d like to know, are you guys enjoying it? Is there anything specific you’d like me to talk about at some point during the series? Leave me a comment or connect with me on social media and let me know. Also, if you aren’t caught up with the first two parts, I’ll link them here:

As always, I’m going to copy and paste the “rules” I posted in the first post. It’s important for me to mention them every time because I don’t want anything I say here to be taken out of context.

1. This is a 6 week series and a new part will be posted each Wednesday (so mark your calendars.)

2. I am NOT here to call anyone out or speak poorly of anyone I’ve encountered throughout my High School career. That’s not my vibe and my intentions of writing these posts are to encourage; not to bring anyone down.

3. I will be talking about certain people I’ve encountered and things I’ve experienced, but please know that NO NAMES will be mentioned; if a name has to be used it will be changed.

4. All the things I am going to tell you are true and are my stories that I have a right to tell.

5. Please read/listen with open ears and hearts.

6. Some of the topics I will be discussing are mature and very series at times so if you can’t handle the intensity, please feel free to click out at any time.

So today I wanted to talk about a very important part of high school: friends. Friends play a very significant role in your life so I think it’s important to build ones that last. Unfortunately I’ve had very little luck with that, especially in high school, and I’ve learned that most people are going to come and go out of your life but there will always be those few people who come into your life and stay for a long time.

I remember at the end of 8^th grade I saw this post online and it said “the people you hang out with in middle school aren’t going to be around for all of high school” and now at the end of high school I can fully confirm that saying is 100% true. During high school everyone goes through so many changes and sometimes people don’t change with you. Furthermore, high school is vastly different from middle school; it’s almost like a totally different world. Everyone is basically trying to figure out themselves and who they are as a person. Sometimes this creates tension in your relationships.

So in high school there are these things called “cliques.” What that is essentially is a group of people that gravitate towards each other in large groups. In a sociology class I took a while back, we learned that people with similar personalities tend to form these cliques. However, from what I’ve seen, cliques are just another way to stereotype. You’ll see where this information comes into play when it comes to friendships in a moment.

Something I haven’t talked about much on here is my experience at co-op. Some of you probably don’t know what it is, so I’ll explain quickly. What it is basically is a group of homeschool families that meets weekly to have classes like art, science, and drama, in addition to the work at home. I was involved in my co-op for 8 years. Looking back, there were a few pleasant memories made, but for me it was just not a good environment for me to grow up in. Out of all the people that were there and friends I made, on this current day I am not in contact with any of them. I’ll get to why in a bit.

In my grade there were 3 cliques. The first one was made up of the “popular” kids, if you will. The second group was the kids who were the quiet, more introverted ones and the last group were the kids with disabilities. It sounds so stereotypical, but for the purpose of this post you need to know. As the years went on and we got older, it only became more stereotypical. In the beginning it was easy to do group activities because everyone talked to everyone, but the “popular group” only became more distant from everyone else.

You might be wondering where I fit into these groups. To be honest, I really didn’t fit into any of them; I just bounced around between all three because I really tried to get along with everyone. My longtime best friend was in the popular group so I spent a lot of time with them, but I didn’t really fit in with them and was often left out or in the back of the group. No big deal at first, I still hung around the other groups.

Then something happened in summer of 2014 that changed the course of my friendships with these people. I’m not going to take the time to explain what happened, but long story short me and one of the populars had a very public falling out on social media. It resulted in most people taking sides, and everyone pretty much took this other girl’s side. The situation itself is not significant anymore but the tension never left. Life went on though, this girl and I never reconciled (even after I made 2 attempts) but everyone else seemed to get along just fine.

There were some big problems with these people. The popular ones. There is a reason I eventually chose to distance myself from them. At co-op they were constantly having attitudes, making unkind remarks to other students, and just flat out acting stuck-up. There is no better word for it. There were major bullying issues and the adults did next to nothing about it. Some of them even contributed to the problems. People were skipping out of gym because the teacher always favorited the populars and the other kids weren’t treated fairly. Some of the behavior I witnessed from these kids makes me sick to my stomach to this day whenever I think about it. One time, one of the said popular kids said to my friend (and I quote) “I’m better than you.” I’m.better.than.you. No other context, just “I’m better than you.” I will never be able to erase that from my mind. And her attitude that came with it, her parents should be ashamed.

One thing I’ve learned after all these years is that sometimes you don’t realize how badly you’re being treated until that person is out of your life. The way things ended with these people was far from good terms, but I’m so happy they are out of my life because I have people in my life now that made me realize how bad these people were for me. I haven’t spoken to these people in two years. However, I have ran into them a few times in public since then and I have to say, for people who proudly call themselves “Christians”, their behavior towards me was far from Christian like. Little or no eye contact, pretending I’m not even there at all, not even a wave or smile. It’s really hard to believe they were what I once called my best friends.

After going through a very, very dark and scary period of my life in 2017, things finally started to look up. I wasn’t feeling depressed anymore, I actually wanted to leave my house, and I met some new amazing people who have changed my life. People who genuinely care about me, make time to spend with me, and aren’t ashamed to be seen with me. They helped me get to a better place in my life and allow me to be myself. I thank God for giving me the strength to let the bad ones go and for bringing better people into my life.

There’s a quote by Alexander Graham Bell that I think beautifully illustrate this: “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” I like to remind myself of this whenever a relationship ends or an opportunity falls through. There is always a reason and most of the time it’s because God is making room for bigger and better things. So if things aren’t going well right now, just remember that it could be a sign that there are better things coming.

I want to be completely honest with you for a moment. I recently celebrated my graduation (which I’ll be talking about in an upcoming post) and I had three friends show up. Now I had plenty of other people too, but my point is, you can have all the friends in the world but out of all those there will only be a few real ones. I didn’t even think about the people who didn’t come because I’m thankful I have three really good friends that took the time to celebrate my graduation with me. I’d take that over having many fake friends any day.

So if you take away anything from this post, here’s three main points I want you to remember. First, don’t hangout where you know you don’t fit in. Second, let go of those unhealthy relationships in your life! Remember, when a door closes another one opens. Third, value your close friends. They are the ones that are going to be around for a long time.

changes

Twenty Eighteen: Year In Review

December 31, 2018

Twenty Eighteen: Year In Review

Welcome back!

It’s been awhile, so have you missed me? Probably not. Much has happened since the last time I posted and I plan to do a life update post soon, but not in this post. I hope your holidays were as wonderful and tasty as mine. I’ve been on Christmas break for almost two weeks now and this is the first time I’ve gotten to sit down and work on some projects I promised myself I would get done during Christmas break (weird how that always happens...) Alas, that did not go as planned but no worries because here I am now, finally accomplishing some things and writing a new post.

As you may have noticed, another year is in the books (is it just me or did it go by extra fast this year?) I really enjoy writing these year end review type of posts, so that’s what I’m going to do today. Hopefully this won’t get too lengthy, so my apologies in advance. Enough being said, here’s how 2018 went for me:

For the first time, this year I made a list of New Year’s resolutions. Normally I don’t do this, mostly because I don’t want to fail them (I’m that kind of person.) But this year I tried it out so I wanted to share some of them with you and talk about how I either failed or succeeded at them.

· Wake up early
· Eat Healthy
· Exercise more
· Read the Bible everyday
· Start a journal
· Be organized
· Read at least 15 books
· Spend less time on devices
· Be more positive

Waking up early

When you’re homeschooled, waking up in the mornings isn’t so easy. I could sleep until noon if I absolutely wanted to. In fact, I used to do that and it actually made me really unhappy because I would wake up and the day would be halfway over. So this year, I made it a goal to wake up early/have a good sleeping routine. I think it’s safe to say I succeed at this goal because I have a much better sleep routine and it’s made me so much happier because my days are so much more fulfilling, versus sleeping through half of it.

Eating healthy

I’ve never technically been a “bad” eater. My mom was never the mom at the grocery store with a cart full of junk food with packs of energy drinks hanging over the sides. But I still wanted to do better this year and I actually ended up giving up all red meat (pork and beef.) Not only for environmental reasons, but because I never liked eating those foods in the first place. I would eat them if they were put in front of me, but this year I completely gave it up and I’ve never been such a happy eater in my life. I like to call myself a “partial-vegetarian” and someday I hope to cut out all meat completely. I’m extremely happy with the progress of my diet this year and I hope I can continue good eating habits in 2019.

Exercising more

Okay so I already did a post on my fitness story (you can read that post here), but I’m really proud of myself for being a lot more active this year than I was before. I started to enjoy going on walks, bike riding, and other outdoor sports I never thought I would actually like. Fitness has become an activity I like now and I feel so good after a workout. I would also like to point out that I’m not working out to gain or lose weight; or maintain a certain body image. In my opinion, fitness and exercise should be about staying healthy in general and not trying to make yourself look a certain way. I’m definitely proud of the progress I’ve made this year, and although anyone can look at me and not notice a difference, I can clearly see the progress I’ve made since I started exercising and that’s what matters to me. For those interested, I plan on doing a workout routine post sometime; however, I like to change my routine up from time to time so I don’t get tired of doing the same workouts. In other words, I don’t have a “consistent" routine I stay with for a long time. Overall, I’m super happy with the progress I’ve made and I hope to be even more active in 2019!

Reading the Bible everyday

This is also an area in my life where I’ve made some big changes this year. To give you a short summary of my religious background, I was baptized when I was 9 (I think) at a church I had been going to for a while, but no longer attend. Since then, my relationship with God has been through some rough patches over the years; and until this year, I was not in a very good place with God. However, after many years of soul searching and church hunting (which is not easy), this year I finally found a church where I feel as if I belong and going there has really helped me deepen my relationship with God. I have not read the Bible every day as I said I would, but I have been reading it a lot more frequently and my faith has become so much stronger this year. There are still times when it gets hard, but I’m in a better place with God than I ever was so getting through rough patches is much easier now that I have a strong relationship with God.

Starting a journal

This is where I begin to fail. I’ve journaled off and on for years, but I’ve never kept up with it as I keep saying I will. I started out strong this year, but unfortunately I never made it to the end of January (I know, so far.) At this point I can probably conclude that journaling just isn’t my thing at all. However, I did start something else this year. Every day of 2018 (minus only a few days) I wrote down something on a piece of paper, folded it up, and put it in a Kleenex box. On the paper I wrote down something good that happened that day. Some days it was just little things, but even if it was a bad day I still had to write something down. I haven’t looked back at any of them yet so I’m excited to go through and read them at the end of the year. For this new year, I plan to do the same thing but instead of writing them on slips of paper, I got a gratitude journal for Christmas so I’ll be using that to write things down in there instead of the slips of paper. I would highly encourage you to do this too because it helps you to see the good in even bad days or situations. Doing this has helped me realize there is always something to be grateful for even if it’s just being alive.

Be Organized

I have always been a very organized person. Physically and mentally. For the most part, my room stays clean and uncluttered. This year, I also stared using a weekly planner to write things down in. Needless to say, it has helped me a lot and now I have an obsession with planners. Not that I couldn’t remember things before; however, writing things down helped me a lot to have a plan for each day as well as remember school assignments and such.

Read at least 15 books

I wanted to read this year more than I have the past few years. Recently I’ve had trouble focusing during reading which had caused me not to read as much as I used to. This year I really wanted to make it a goal to try to read more, which I did; however, I don’t think I reached my goal of 15 books. I did read a lot more than I did last year though and I’m pretty happy about that. I’ve recently been hooked on Sarah Dessen’s books (so cheesy but they make good easy reads.) I hope to continue reading more in 2019 because it’s such a good hobby to have and I’ve learned a lot from books. There’s nothing like the feeling of settling down to read a good book (and getting mad when your favorite character dies. Book nerds can relate.)

Spend less time on devices

I, along with millions of other people on this earth, am guilty of spending too much time on my devices. I don’t know about you, but this is something that annoys me because it can be a difficult habit to control. These days it seems harder and harder to put down your phone and live in the real world. What do we do when we’re bored? Check social media. What do we do when we need to speak to someone? Text them. What do we do when we look good? Take selfies on our phone. What do we do when…okay you get the point. I tried hard this year to keep some distance between me and my phone and I have to say, I’ve done pretty well but not as well as I would have wished. I could be better about putting down my phone and finding more productive things to do with my time. So this year, I’m making it a priority to decrease the time I spend on a screen. And I’d like to challenge everyone to this as well. Make it a point to be present and in the moment because sometimes we miss things happening in the real world when we’re too concerned about what’s happening in our digital world.

Be more positive

This is probably the hardest and easiest goal of the whole year. It was hard for me because I struggle with staying positive. I’m not the kind of person that’s happy all the time. There’s times where I’m depressed and it’s hard to even get out of bed and face the day. However, those moments did not happen as frequently this year and it’s probably the biggest change I’ve made all year. Looking back at how I got to where I am now, it all has to do with lifestyle choices. Primarily the things I’ve listed above, along with a few other things which I want to talk about briefly.

This year I cut out all negative influences in my life and people who were not making a positive impact on me and my life. Instead of investing in these unhealthy relationships, I chose to invest in relationships with people who are positive influences on my life and that’s probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I can legitimately say I’ve been genuinely happy this year and probably the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

2018 has been the year of healing and moving on. I moved on from things I was doing and going through that were not healthy. Was it easy? Definitely not. There were times when it got super hard, but I knew in the end it would and will be worth it. Healing is a process. I’m still in that process, taking things day by day and some days are harder than others. I know to some people it won’t seem like much, but to me I can see every small change making a big difference in my life. I know I have changed in the best ways possible and those changes are helping me live a life I didn’t even know was possible. And that was the best part of this year.

This year has been one of the best ones yet! Thank you if you’re still here reading this…your support means the world to me! I’m extremely grateful to be sharing my journey of life with you (for almost 2 years!) I hope that God has blessed you as much as He has blessed me this year, and I pray that 2019 will bring joy and happiness into your life and that you will have a wonderful new year!

age

Sixteen

March 09, 2018

sixteen.

To me, an age does not define a year in my life. Just like numbers do not define success. We all grow and develop at different ages, so it wouldn’t be fair to say that we all go through certain things at one age. How old were you when you first learned to walk? I’m sure your answer would be different than mine, because we grow at different times in our life. Just like it isn’t fair to say every baby starts to talk in the same month.

I believe as humans, we are constantly developing, learning new things, and growing, no matter how old we are. If you thought you were done changing after puberty, you were wrong. Our bodies and minds never stop changing. I think this is one of the most beautiful things about life because I always hear about how it’s impossible for someone to change their ways. It is true that some parts of you will always remain the same, but I believe it is always possible for someone to better themselves with a lot of work.

So it was my sixteenth year of life. I sat down here to write this with no plan in mind for this and no idea of what I wanted to talk about. Then I remembered something I read on someone else’s blog about how for every year older they get, they choose a word that defined that past year. I’m going to did something similar to that, but I had more than just one word that came to mind when I thought about this last year: change, lessons, and growth.

A year of change.

This was when I really began to feel like an adult. I got a job, I lost jobs, I learned how to operate a vehicle, I went to prom, I began to think seriously about my future. All of those things were things that a few years ago seemed very far away, but now they feel so very close and are approaching so quickly.

I’ve talked about my job before, but for those reading this that don’t know me, I work at a local coffee shop and I’m not biased or anything but I think it’s the best job in the world. When I was younger I always dreaded the day when I would have to step behind the counter at McDonalds and serve a half-cooked hamburger to some strange looking person. But I was blessed enough to receive this opportunity almost a year ago for a place I never thought I would be able to work at. I never thought I would “enjoy” going to work, but here I am counting down the days until my next shift.

In two weeks I’ll get to go to prom for the second time. Last year it was so amazing and I’m more than thrilled to be attending again this year. I really want to a more “in depth” prom post than last year so let me know if that’s something you would want to see. I’m also considering doing a “vlog” (video blog) of the day so maybe I can get that out there for you guys too. Besides all that, the excitement this year is almost double the excitement of last year and I can’t wait to have this wonderful experience again.

But all of these things are signs that yes, my childhood is ending and it’s almost time to be an….an….adult. I thought it got bad when I couldn’t eat off the kids menu anymore but now I know there are bigger changes I must face. In all seriousness, however, it has been a bittersweet thing for me. Even though the thought of being on my own in the future is extremely terrifying sometimes, I’m ready for it.

Lessons to Learn.

It’s in my nature to do things the hard way. Not that I choose to though, it was just an unfortunate characteristic I was born with and never got rid of. Despite the unfortunateness, it has helped me tremendously in some cases over the past year. The other day I happened to be reading a book and one chapter was about suffering and why suffering exists. This was something that caught my attention because it’s something I myself have spent years wondering about. If we are in the presence of an all-powerful God who is capable of performing miracles, why must we suffer?

The answer is quite simple if we think about it. If there was no suffering and life went smoothly, there would be no opportunities to show strength, bravery, and courage in times of trial. It’s like how if there were no rainy days, the plants and flowers would all die because they need the rain and darkness to make them stronger and beautiful during the sunny days. That’s why suffering exists in our lives. This is just yet another reason to prove that God really is in control of our lives and knows what He’s doing when He allows us to suffer.

That’s one of the many hard lessons I learned while I was sixteen. Through times of trial, we gain wisdom and strength we didn’t have before. That’s what happened to me at least. I would not be the person I am today if I hadn’t gone through the things I did. Now looking back on those experiences, I’m thankful for the knowledge I was able to gain from them.

A Year of Growth.

When I say growth I don’t mean physically. As much as I wish that happened, I’m still probably the same height I was last year and probably even the year before. No, the kind of growing that occurred this year was a growth spurt that took place on the inside. I’m going to try to wrap this up without being too cheesy, but let me just explain.

When I look back at myself from this time last year, I see someone who was in the wrong place. Now please understand it could have been a lot worse, but to me it was far from where I wanted to be. I was immature, caught up and feelings, and made poor choices. Again like I said it could have been a lot worse, but I was still veering off the path. Some of those things are things that come naturally with this age I guess, but I wasn’t proud.

The thing that changed all that was developing a closer relationship with God. One thing I was doing back then was I kept trying to fill in this empty space in my heart with people, searching for something that I was unable to find. Over the summer was when I really got connected with God again. I started praying and reading my Bible regularly, going to church whenever I could. Ever since then I’ve felt like a completely different person.

I was also bitter for a long time. It seemed like the suffering never ended, and I didn’t understand why things happened to me. I still don’t completely understand, but my mindset has changed. Instead of being angry and bitter towards the world, I opened my mind to choosing to forgive and love, despite the things I had been through. Loving people who have done you wrong isn’t easy, and I’m still learning. There’s this quote that says “building a new relationship is good. But restoring a broken one is better”. That’s something I’ve been trying to work on, and just trying to keep my relationships strong and healthy.

What’s Ahead.

Every day is new and exciting. It’s always changing along with us ourselves. Being sixteen was fun, but I’m ready to see what kinds of things this new year and new age have in store. So with that being said, I’m going to go prepare for the big day tomorrow. I’ll see you in my next post!

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Experiencing A Global Pandemic: surviving the crisis + the impact on mental health

A College Life Update

#HowISurvivedHighSchool Part 6: A Promising Future

#HowISurvivedHighSchool Part 3: The Truth About Friends and Friendships

Twenty Eighteen: Year In Review

Sixteen

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