Welcome back!

            Today I will be wrapping up my story on my high school experience.  In case you’re new, I’ll drop the links for the previous parts here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

            Out of all the parts I’ve done, I think I’m most excited for this one.  I wanted to spend this last part talking about the future.  As you probably know, I’m a daydreamer and I love to dream about unrealistic scenarios most of the time.  However, I’m going to try to be a little more down to earth and not get too out of hand here.  I think it’s important to separate dreams from goals.  I believe goals are things you set in your mind to do and you continue to work towards them.  On the other hand, dreams are merely just things you wish for but for the most part are unrealistic.

            So now that we’ve differentiated the two, I’m going to start with the realistic stuff.  If you don’t know already, I plan to attend community college for two years and get my associates in business administration and from there hopefully I will transfer to a state university to get my master’s degree.  I feel that education is one of the most valuable assets you can have in life; so when I was thinking about what I wanted my future life after high school to look like I knew I wanted to put my education before anything else.

            Aside from going to college full time, I plan to keep working throughout the school year as well as continue my online profiles (blogging, YouTube.)  I have no idea what my schedule will be like come the school year, but I plan to post regularly as much as I can.  I’ve learned throughout these years that there’s no point in having a set schedule because I feel like it’s important to only put out work that you’re proud of and I just can’t be proud of something I was under time pressure.  So I’ve thrown the idea of schedules out the window and I’ll post when I make something that I’m proud of; whether that be once a week or once a month.

            Many people have asked me about my relationship status or when I’ll have a boyfriend, get married, etc.  I just tell them all that will happen in God’s timing, not mine.  Society has changed over the years and relationships seem to move so quickly these days.   People are getting married and having a family before 25 (which isn’t a bad thing don’t get me wrong), whereas I want more time to live and enjoy being young without those commitments.  So that’s where I’m at right now and I’m also in the midst of working through a lot of personal issues with myself that I have to fix before I can even allow myself to think about dating.

            I’m thankful for all the friendships I’ve formed throughout high school, with both girls and boys.  I’m fortunate to have girl friends that I know will always have my back and I theirs.  Girls that I’m able to talk about things I would never talk about with anyone else.  I’m also thankful for the friendships I’ve formed with males.  I have guy friends that are almost like brothers to me, who show me how real men are supposed to treat girls (my only confidence that the entire male population is not totally screwed.)  It’s been a blessing to get to know so many amazing people over the years and I’m excited to meet many more throughout my college years.

              People always laugh when they ask what I want my future life to look like and I answer with “well honestly I just want to do what I love, have a healthy God-honoring relationship and raise a family.  Oh and can’t forget the house with a picket fence.”  It’s the classic American dream.  Not anything fancy; I have no desire to be a millionaire or have expensive clothes and expensive cars.  I really just want a low-key life.  That’s all.  I dream about it every single day.  For right now, though, I’m content with the life I have now.  I’m enjoying my time being young for as long as I possibly can before I’m supposed to grow up and have everything together.

            As I wrap up this chapter of my life, my heart is filled with gratitude.  I’m thankful for all the memories I’ve made, people I’ve met, and experiences I’ve been able to have in high school.  Some of them are happy, fond memories; others not so much, but there’s not much I would change about any of it.  In other words, I can confidently close this portion of my life.  I’m filled with hope for my future and all the new experience I’ll be able to share with you.  I’ve never been more inspired to create and share the memories of my life and I’m forever thankful for every single person I’ve been able to reach through my writings and videos.  Thank you for everything.

Hello and welcome back!

            I’m so happy that you’re here to join me for part 5 of the #HowISurvivedHighSchool series.  If you missed out on any of the previous parts, you can catch up here:

Part1

Part2

Part3

Part4

            First and foremost, before I get started with today’s post I want to take a minute to say thank you for all the support I’ve received on my last post.  It was not an easy thing for me to put out there, but I really believe God wanted me to share that message because I think it’s a message that’s important for the young people to hear in the midst of a world where everything is sexualized and there’s so much peer pressure.  So I just wanted to say a huge thank you for all the support and encouraging messages I received after last week’s post.

            Today I want to talk about something that’s not only important in high school; but is something that will follow you for the rest of your life: your social reputation.  Now I want to stress that this is not about caring what people think of you- that’s not it at all.  What I mean is building a good reputation so you can earn respect from people around you.  I’ve spent the last 4 years working on this particular aspect of life and let me tell you, having a good reputation will serve you very well in years to come.  Basically you’re just doing yourself a favor now.

            So what exactly does it mean to have a good reputation?  Everyone has different definitions for what a good reputation is, but to me someone with a good reputation exhibits the following characteristics: holds themselves well in bad situations, has good time management skills, and acts maturely.  You want to be known for having good characteristics, not bad ones.   I can think of a few people I know who are just outstanding at what they do and people know them and love them for the good things they’ve done and their kindness.  That is a good reputation.  I also know a few people who fall into the opposite category.  These people do not have the characteristics of a good reputation and are known only for the bad choices they’ve unfortunately made.  That is not a good reputation.

            Why then is it important to build your reputation in high school?  As I mentioned before, starting now will benefit you later, especially when it comes to getting decent jobs, applying for colleges, etc.  People who start to drift off to the wrong direction in high school are more likely to have difficulty with those things down the road.  I see this all the time in society and I’m sure you have too.  People who are getting out of jail really struggle with getting back on their feet and living a decent life because their crimes are now glued to their name.

            I did a blog post awhile back on temptation.  Let me tell you, temptation is a devil in high school.  However, if you can fight it then, it will be much easier to fight it in the future.  I think the reason temptation is so present in high school in particular is because everyone is so easily influenced and it’s easy to give into peer pressure.  I remember one time a few years ago I took a character development class and we had to fill out this paper and on it was a list of questions and we had to answer how likely we were to give into bad situations.  I remember filling out that paper and checking all the boxes that said “not very likely to” and afterwards thinking “would I actually be able to say no?”  I think sometimes we can be so naïve and think “if it’s just this one time it won’t hurt me.”  I’ve learned over and over that no matter how big or small it may seem there’s always going to be consequences.

            There will always be consequences to every action.  No one likes to hear that and I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you, but hear me out because I’m trying to save you now.  The worst part about being a good kid is watching others make the wrong choices and trying to be the one to tell them they don’t have to or shouldn’t do it.  I’m tired of being the bystander to bad situations, witnessing things I wish I hadn’t seen, and hearing things I wish I had never heard.  It’s hard.  Especially when people are telling you “you’re so pure and boring, you don’t know how to have any fun.”  But to me, five minutes of “fun” isn’t worth a lifetime of consequences.  It just isn’t.

            I’ve had people tell me before “it’s okay, sure I messed up but Jesus forgives me and still loves me.”  As true as that statement is, it’s not a free pass to do stuff you know is wrong.   We are lucky to serve a merciful, forgiving God but that is not an excuse to do whatever we want.  Forgiveness does not erase the weight of our sin.  Furthermore, we must confess and acknowledge our mistakes before we can even be forgiven.  In Acts 3:19 it says, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.”

            If you gathered anything from this short message, I hope it will encourage you to stray from the temptations of high school and to not conform to the ways of this modern world.  Sometimes it feels like you’re missing out on the fun you could be having now, but I promise in the long run you will be successful and the people who made the wrong choices will be the ones missing out on greater opportunities.  It’s very rewarding, I promise you. 

Hey there, welcome back to my blog!

            In case you haven’t heard, I’m in the middle of a series called #HowISurvivedHighSchool.  If you clicked on this post and saw the title, you should already know.  So this is going to be part 2, but if you haven’t read part one, you can read that post here. 

            In the last post I made some “rules” about this series.  I’m going to post them again in every post just so we’re all in the same understanding.  Today I’m going to talk about some pretty heavy stuff so feel free to click out at any point.

1.  This is a 6 week series and a new part will be posted each Wednesday (so mark your calendars.)

2.  I am NOT here to call anyone out or speak poorly of anyone I’ve encountered throughout my High School career.  That’s not my vibe and my intentions of writing these posts are to encourage; not to bring anyone down.

3.  I will be talking about certain people I’ve encountered and things I’ve experienced, but please know that NO NAMES will be mentioned; if a name has to be used it will be changed.

4.  All the things I am going to tell you are true and are my stories that I have a right to tell.

5.  Please read/listen with open ears and hearts.

6.  Some of the topics I will be discussing are mature and very series at times so if you can’t handle the intensity, please feel free to click out at any time.

            Today I want to address something that is becoming a huge issue in our society: the fact that teenagers are gaining such a bad reputation in society and how I avoided being “one of those kids”.  I want to speak mostly to my younger audience, but I want the older ones to listen with open ears so that maybe you’ll understand that we aren’t all the same.

So one time I was at work and just to give you a little background of this story, it was pretty early in the morning and I hadn't had enough coffee yet to get me going. It was also the day after the 4th of July and the night before I was up late working at the county fair so you can imagine how tired I was.  Anyway, this lady sitting at the counter says to me “you look like you were up late partying.”  Now keep in mind I did know her and knew she was only joking, but it got me thinking. I thought, “Well that's probably what most people my age did last night so no wonder someone would assume something like that.”

I think the reason my generation has such a bad reputation these days is due to the small fraction that do choose to go down the wrong paths. Those are the ones who you see in the news stories. “Local teens vandalize park equipment”, “a group of teens were found guilty in a drug case”, and so forth.  You rarely ever see people my age make the news for something good.  It’s depressing, really.  While we’re on the topic, just a small piece of advice: don’t read the news.  It really puts a damper on your potential to live care free.

So what causes kids to go down the wrong path?  There are many answers to this question and it all depends on the case you’re looking at.  Some possibilities can be mental health, physical health, bad influences, and family.  Now I’m not a psychologist or anything but I can tell you almost every single person I know personally who has had drug/alcohol problems also has family issues at home.  Which actually makes sense if you think about it; compare the divorce rate (40-50%) to the percentage of teens who have misused drugs (50%) and alcohol (63%.)  This is certainly not the case with every teen, but there is clearly a relationship between the two.

Enough statistics though, I want to tell you a little bit about how this relates to my life and how it affected my High School career.  First and foremost, I want to say that I have never misused any type of drug or drank any type of alcohol during my High School career.  Period.  Why?  The short answer is frankly because it doesn’t sound appealing to me.  Now let me make it clear that because we’re talking about High School there is ALWAYS the pressure to “do what everyone else is doing” and to “fit in with the crowd.” 

The devil is very good at filling our minds and ears with tempting thoughts.  I along with probably almost every single High Schooler in America have struggled with temptation at some point or another.  It’s difficult when you’re still growing up and figuring everything out and the people around you are already dealing with adult issues.  I think one of the hardest parts is being in the middle and watching someone you love destroy their life and their relationships because they gave into the temptation.

One of the biggest reasons that keeps me from being one of them is because I’ve seen this happen over and over again to people I know and love dearly.  It’s heartbreaking because they get so caught up in being on this high and feeling good that they don’t realize how they’re destroying their life until it’s too late.  And you can’t even help them because they’re so bound to this new lifestyle.  I had someone one time trying to convince me that smoking weed is good for you.  You have to be head deep in lies to believe that.  I suppose it makes people feel better about themselves if they try to twist their addiction into something that “benefits their health.”

The best thing you can do in your High School career to avoid being caught up in the same lies as everyone else is to surround yourself with the right people.  It only takes one unhealthy relationship to develop the same habits as them and I think that’s what happens to a lot of people in High School.  Find people who will make sure you’re staying on the right path and will hold you accountable for your actions.  It is much easier to go to someone and say “hey, I’m struggling with temptation again.  Can you help me?”  Then to try to fight it yourself. 

No one prepared me for some of the issues that I had to deal with.  The thing was, they weren’t my own issues but they still affected me nonetheless.  People always taught me how to say no to being peer pressured into it myself but no one taught me how to help others who are struggling with it.   No one prepared me for the phone call I got one night from a friend after a bad breakup saying they had one too many beers that night.  No one prepared me to watch someone get kicked out of youth group because they were high.  The only thing worse than dealing with the issues yourself is being a bystander and watching it happen to someone else.  That will always be enough reason for me to say no.

            I have too good of a life to just throw it all away for a high that’s only temporary.  I’ve worked hard to be respected in society and part of that is not involving myself in things that could potentially ruin the reputation I’ve worked so hard to gain.  And I hope and pray that this message opens the eyes of someone who may be struggling with one of these issues.  Because trust me, once you get to the point in your life where you’re happier than any drug or drink makes you; you won’t ever want to change that.

National drug/alcohol Helpline: 1-888-633-3239

Hi there, welcome back to the blog!

            Today I am coming at you with a very special post/announcement: there is going to be a new series on this blog and guess what?  It starts TODAY.  My apologies for the short notice but I wasn’t sure if this was going to be a thing or not.  I had this idea awhile back when I was contemplating on what kind of post I wanted to do in spirit of me graduating this year.  I came up with a couple ideas and finally decided that there were too many things I wanted to talk about and it just wouldn’t all fit in one blog post (or it’d be so long that you all would be sleeping by halfway through it.) 

            So thus was born the #HowISurvivedHighSchool series.  And yes, the dramatic title was indeed my own original creation.  I'm super excited and also very nervous to share these next few posts with you.  I feel like for the last year or so I’ve been a very private person and just haven’t shared much with you guys so I’m really going to try to be as much as an open book as possible which sounds totally scary if I’m being honest.

            Before I get started with part one, I want to make a few general points about this particular series:

1.  This is a 6 week series and a new part will be posted each Wednesday (so mark your calendars.)

2.  I am NOT here to call anyone out or speak poorly of anyone I’ve encountered throughout my High School career.  That’s not my vibe and my intentions of writing these posts are to encourage; not to bring anyone down.

3.  I will be talking about certain people I’ve encountered and things I’ve experienced, but please know that NO NAMES will be mentioned; if a name has to be used it will be changed.

4.  All the things I am going to tell you are true and are my stories that I have a right to tell.

5.  Please read/listen with open ears and hearts.

6.  Some of the topics I will be discussing are mature and very series at times so if you can’t handle the intensity, please feel free to click out at any time.

seventeen

Hi guys, welcome back to the blog!

            So if you’re new here or didn’t read my birthday post from last year, I did a post for my 17^th birthday where I share some of the things I learned at 17. And I thought I would do the same this year for my 18^th birthday.  Tomorrow, I enter a new year in my life.  A new age, and this year is pretty special because it’s my 18^th birthday which basically means I can’t get any youth discounts and I have to do this thing they call “adulting.”

            Before that happens, I wanted to share a few things I learned and things that happened to me while I was 17.  I honestly didn’t feel any different than when I was 16; however, I feel like my brain aged by 50 years.  I feel like I did the most growing up this year than I did the past 16 years before that.  Regardless of age, though, I just want to jump right into this and tell you what all I learned when I was seventeen (and I’ll try not to ramble too much.)

Patience

            I feel like the biggest thing I mastered maturity wise was patience.  Now please understand that I am not a very patient person so when I say “mastered” I mean most of the time.  My whole life, I’ve never been able to wait.  When the latest and greatest toy came out, I wanted it that day.  When there was anything I wanted, I wanted it right then and right now.  I could not stand waiting.  This goes for other opportunities for life as well.  I have never been a patient person.  This year, however, I feel as though I handled the impatientness much better.  I’ve learned to trust God’s timing for things and understand that even though I may want something, now may not be the best time.  Furthermore, when I’m patient, I’ve realized there may be better opportunities and better things to come if I’m patient enough to wait for them.  

Be less bothered by the little things

            This kind of goes along with the whole patience thing, but let me tell you about another one of my issues: I let small inconveniences get to me wayyy to easily.  It was almost ridiculous.  I would get mad after getting left on read (but who doesn’t?) or if I had to wait on someone.  And the fact that I would get bothered by those things REALLY bothered me even more.  It was so bad that I couldn’t even enjoy being around people or doing fun things because I was so upset over something so little.  This is still an issue that I’m working to master, but I thought it was worth mentioning because maybe you have the same problem.  One of the things I do when I start to get stressed or angry over something is to just take a minute and tell myself “this is only one moment in time.  Don’t let something so small ruin your potential to have an amazing day.”  And most of the time, the things I get angry about aren’t even worth the energy to be angry!

Starting a new and healthy lifestyle

            This was big for me.  Basically I wasn’t happy with my life and where I was before I turned 17.  I decided to change that, and started taking steps to move towards a healthier and better life.  Some of these steps included: developing good sleep habits, changing what I eat, staying productive throughout the day, exercise, and surrounding myself with positive influences.  I think I’ve said this before, but if you want to change your life, you have to change your lifestyle.  You cannot move towards a better version of your life if you don’t make any lifestyle changes.  I believe the state of your mental health is dictated by your lifestyle.  If you have a healthy lifestyle, you’ll have a healthy mindset.  This has been true for me because as soon as I changed the way I was living before, everything became so much better.

Living day by day

            “Do not worry about what tomorrow will bring” is a principle I have been living by this past year.  I like to anticipate, I love dreaming up scenarios that will never come true.  The problem was that I was focusing on that too much and not taking the time to live for the day and appreciating what I have now.  Every day I wake up and I formulate a plan for the day: what are my priorities NOW?  What is important to me NOW?  How can I make TODAY a good and productive day?  At the end of each day I write down one thing I’m grateful for that day.  Sometimes its just small things like getting an A on a math test or eating a good meal.  Whatever it is, it really helps to keep my attention on the present day and being content with what I have now.

Surrounding myself with positivity

          Ever heard the phrase “you are what you eat”?  When you think about it, it doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense.  So if I eat lettuce does that mean I turn into a plant?  Yeah probably not, but you get the idea.  I believe the same principle applies with what you surround yourself with.  For an example, I once knew someone who was sad and at a low almost every single day.  Every time I talked to them, their negative energy would drain out all the positive energy I had stored up.  Unfortunately, it took a few of those people to figure out what was happening.  Ultimately, though, I think this is one of the key ingredients to the recipe of a happy life.  You are what you eat, and you become what you surround yourself with.

            All of these lessons, which have taken me years to learn, have brought me to the happy place I’m at now.  Most of these things have taken place over the past year.  Without any doubt, I can say I’m living my best life.  I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again:  if you want to change your life, you have to change your lifestyle.  The fact is, no matter how many drugs you take or whatever it is that takes you away from your real world, those things are only temporary.   If you really want to change your life forever, you have to make some huge lifestyle adjustments and that’s never easy, but I did it and so can you.  Life is a rollercoaster sometimes, but you just have to hold on until you reach the end.

And that’s what I learned when I was seventeen.

ONE YEAR OF BLOGGING

Today is a very exciting day.  Why is it a very exciting day?  Well because today marks exactly one year since I published my first post on my blog! I’ve come a long way in just a year, and I’m honestly so proud of myself for accomplishing so much in just 365 days.

Background:

You might not know this, but before my blog, I used this website for the music I used to write and record.  Looking back now it was honestly pretty embarrassing, but it’s what got me started.  After not recording any more music or posting on my website, I started tossing around the idea of turning it into a blog.  I already knew I loved to write, and people liked what I wrote so I thought what if I had a place to share it with everyone?  I wanted to reach people beyond just my family and friends, people who may be going through things and needed someone to relate to.  That’s what I wanted to do with my blog.

How the blog got its name:

Next you might be wondering how I came up with the name “Beauty in This Brokenness”.  This was a concept I had been thinking about for a long time before I even thought about starting a blog.  The idea I had was originally for an album I started to write a long time ago (which obviously never came to be), and it was about seeing light in times of darkness.  That was what I wanted my blog to be based on.  To share my stories and maybe inspire some people along the way.

What is this blog about?:

I don’t classify my blog under any certain “niche” (as people in the blogging groups on Facebook say).  What I mean by that is some people write blogs about lifestyle, some are about travel, some are about addiction recovery.  There are endless possibilities of what a blog can be about.  Usually when you go to a blog, you can find out what a blog is about by looking at either the title or the tagline.  But for me, I didn’t want to limit myself to one topic.  I didn’t want to feel like I couldn’t write about food because my blog was about photography.  That’s why my tagline is “just me talking about……well basically everything”.  If you do come here looking for something specific, that’s why I created the “tags” section on the bottom right hand side of the screen.  If you click on one of the words, it will show you all the posts related to that topic.

Challenges:

There are plenty of challenges that come with blogging.  Just like with anything you do in life, people are going to criticize you.  One of the best things about my first year of blogging is that I haven’t received a lot of negative criticism.  Most people are very supportive and I’ve gotten good feedback from other bloggers as well.  There have been times when others don’t always agree with what I have to say (I mean, the only reason why my abortion post is one of the most popular posts is because I used it in a debate on Facebook), but these days you can’t say anything without making someone angry.  That’s why I’ve learned not to take the negative responses I get too seriously because there is always going to be someone that doesn’t like you or doesn’t agree with you and I’m perfectly okay with that.  But I’m not going to change myself to please others.

Being your own boss is hard.  There’s no one to tell you what to do or when to post, so it can be easy to slack off.  That’s probably been the biggest challenge I've faced over the past year.  I tend to lack skills in the motivation department because I get distracted or lazy too easily.  When I first started my blog, my “schedule” was to post something on my blog twice a week.  For someone that still has school and other tasks, it proved to be very difficult to keep up with.  After I struggled with posting for a few months, I decided I don’t need a schedule.  When I feel inspired to write and post something, I do it; whenever that may be.  I’ve learned that it motivates me so much more than trying to stick to a schedule.  Lately I’ve been trying to post twice a month, but sometimes it doesn’t always work out.   If you follow me on social media (@beautyinthisbrokenness), I always let you know when I posted something new.  Or you can sign up for email updates on the right hand side of the screen.

What’s to come:

I have so many things I want to do with my blog.  I’m always trying to create good content and reach more and more people.  I now have over 100 views on two of my posts and over 2,600 views over the whole year.  That’s crazy to me.  When I started out, there were only about 15-20 people reading my posts and now there’s anywhere from 60-100.  Those are big numbers to me.  I remember when I got excited because 12 people listened to my song on Soundcloud three years ago.  My goal is to get those numbers even higher for next year.  But of course numbers mean little to me because the only reason it’s possible to reach those numbers is because of you.  I wouldn’t even be sitting here writing this if it weren’t for you.

Another goal I have is to self-host my own website.  For all of you that aren’t geeks like I am, what I mean is that I want the url to say “beautyinthisbrokenness.com”, instead of “blogspot.com” at the end.  Blogger has been so awesome because it’s free and simple to use.  Being a student with little funds, it will definitely be awhile, but one day I hope to create my own site.  I also want to collaborate with other bloggers and have guest posts.  I think it would be a lot of fun, but I still need to work my way up a little more before I can do that.  Those are just a few of the things I would love to see happen in the future (hopefully not that far off).

Lastly, I just want to take a minute to thank each and every person who has even clicked on the link to my blog.  I am so thankful for all the support I have received, and like I said before none of this would even be possible without you.  Thank you for an amazing first year of blogging and I can’t wait to see what this new year brings.