Finding Freedom in Fitness
When I was younger, I never wanted to exercise. I wasn’t on any sports teams, and because I
was homeschooled I didn’t have any kind of Physical Education class. I hated running and walking farther than a
few feet. My parents always encouraged
me to be physically active because I would “regret it later if you don’t start
now”. The state law says that children
aren’t allowed to ride in the car without a car seat until they weighed 100
pounds. I didn’t weigh 100 pounds until
I was about 10 years old (far behind most girls my age).
I never worried about exercising when I was younger
because I was so skinny. Extremely
skinny. My friends that were my age
could pick me up easily because I was so light.
I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain any weight. I never had a problem with any of this and it
was all great until it came to get new pants.
I hated pant shopping, and still do.
No pants ever fit me. When I was
finally big enough to wear an extra small in the juniors department in tops, I
was still wearing a size 10 in children’s pants. I was also pretty short which made things
even worse.
Last fall I got fed up.
I was tired of being tiny and not being able to wear anything. I decided that I needed to gain weight in order
to be able to wear the clothes I wanted.
So I would eat and eat and still not have anything to do with
exercise. I didn’t notice any
significant changes and I was still sewing the waist of my pants to make them
smaller. One day, I just thought “what
am I doing? Trying to get fat just to be
able to wear my jeans?” And I realized, what I needed to do wasn’t just sitting
around waiting to gain enough weight, I needed to become stronger and gain more
muscle instead of fat. The only way to
do that was to workout.
I watched some videos on fitness to get inspired and
motivated (because honestly I had NO clue where to start). This is when I found Sam Ozkural. I started watching some of her videos and she
is AMAZING (I highly recommend checking her out). One day in September, I put together an
exercise routine and gave it a try. I have
to say, it was hard. My body wasn’t used
to using up all that energy at once. But
after I finished that first workout, it felt amazing. Not so much the next day, however. My legs were so sore I could barely move. But I felt better than I ever had before.
At first, it was really hard to stay motivated. The first few months I had a hard time
staying focused and on a schedule. It
was hard not seeing the improvements right away. It was hard to get through the workouts
because I was getting tired in the middle of them, but I kept going. Kept pushing myself harder each time.
Almost a year later, so much has changed. I’ve been working out consistently 3-4 times
a week and I love it. I can get through
the sessions now without getting too overwhelmed or tired, and it is sooo
rewarding afterwards. I still feel tired
after a workout, but it’s a good kind of tired.
I can endure longer days without becoming exhausted. I’ve noticed changes in my body too. I’m much stronger now (it’s not super visible
yet but the muscles are there!), my stomach muscles are stronger, and I’m in
much better shape than I was before.
Now I look forward to my workouts instead of dreading
them. Now I don’t exercise to gain or
lose weight. I don’t obsess over the
models on Instagram and try to look at them.
Because I don’t think that should be the purpose of fitness and
exercise. It’s okay to be skinny or a little
heavier, every body type is beautiful.
Because it’s YOUR body. God didn’t
make you to look exactly like someone else.
You are unique and special in your own way. At the end of the day, it’s about being
confident about who you are and how you were made. And that’s what fitness is about for me.
P.S.
I still can’t fit in any pants and that will probably be a struggle for the
rest of my life
